Hi all!

Today I am ranking every horror movie directed by the talented Rob Zombie. I will not be mentioning Werewolf Women of the SS (a two-minute short film), The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (an adult film/very hard to find) and The Zombie Horror Picture Show (Rob’s concert on screen). I already mentioned in a previous post he is one of my favourite horror directors of all time. He’s so misunderstood and definitely not for everyone, but if you’re a fan, like me, you tend to love most things he puts out. Without further ado, let’s get into it!

1.) 31 

My absolute favourite Rob Zombie movie is 31. It has everything I want in a horror film. Five carnival workers are kidnapped and held hostage in an abandoned, hellish compound, where they are forced to participate in a violent game. The goal is to survive twelve hours, against a gang of sadistic clowns, named ‘The Heads.’ The leader, ‘Doom Head’, delivers an incredible monologue at the beginning. As the victims navigate the maze-like set of rooms, there are people dressed in aristocratic clothing and powdered wigs, watching/placing bets on who they believe will live. I won’t give away the ending, but it’s epic. Be warned, it’s quite a gory, intense viewing experience. However, if you love game-of-death films, you should enjoy this one. It’s so underrated!

2.) House of 1000 Corpses

This film began my love for Rob Zombie as a director. I remember watching it for the first time as a teenager, with my best friend. Released in 2003, the story follows two couples travelling by car, when an empty fuel tank and flat tire, leads them down a terror-riddled road, to the House of 1000 Corpses. They soon meet a cast of twisted individuals, who enjoy adding bodies to their sick human menagerie. It’s here, we are introduced to the three monsters themselves: Captain Spaulding, Otis and Baby (Sheri Moon – Rob Zombie’s wife). Each one is more deranged than the last. Prepare yourself. This movie is intense and extremely violent. You’re always going to get a raw and gritty feature with Rob at the helm. Furthermore, it has one of the best movie soundtracks. I have listened to it more times than I can count.

3.) The Munsters 

Surprise! The Munsters is in third place! I loved it and will die on that hill. Based on the iconic, black-and-white television show from the 60’s, Rob brings his version to the big screen, in complete and vibrant colour. It tells the story of Herman and Lily meeting and moving into their dark mansion on Mockingbird Lane. There are plenty of puns, silly gags and bizarre moments, as the Munsters attempt to blend into society. I never thought I would see the day where Rob Zombie directed a PG-13 film, but he did and I’m impressed. He didn’t rely on any of his usual tropes, yet you could still feel his essence in the final product. If you thought this movie was too corny – that’s the point!

4.) Halloween

The remake, in my opinion, has more heart and grit. We see Michael Myers as a child, hear him speak and even get a sense of how he became such an infamous serial killer. We learn about his love of masks and shoddy upbringing. My biggest issue with the Halloween franchise, is the lack of personality from the main villain. It’s an unpopular opinion, but I like my antagonists to converse, not just kill for killing’s sake. It was a brave move, but once again, Rob pulled it off!

5.) The Devil’s Rejects

I apologise to my best friend for putting The Devil’s Rejects so far down. It is absolutely iconic, I just prefer the other movies more. This is the sequel to House of 1000 Corpses. After a raid on the rural home of the psychopathic Firefly family, two members of the clan: Otis and Baby, manage to flee the scene. Heading to a remote desert motel, the killers reunite with Baby’s father, Captain Spaulding. He is equally demented and intent on maintaining their murder spree. While the trio continue to torment and kill various victims, the vengeful Sheriff Wydell, slowly closes in on them. The most memorable moment is the ending. It really shocked me. 

6.) Halloween II 

Coming in third last, we have Halloween II. A year after narrowly escaping death at the hands of Michael Myers, Laurie Strode is at breaking point. She is pushed even closer to the edge, by Dr. Loomis’s revelation, that she is Michael’s sister. Little does she know, the unstoppable killer is back in Haddonfield; determined to bring about a bloody family reunion. Honestly, the sequel was pretty decent. My main criticism is not a lot happened. It felt a bit unnecessary. However, I enjoyed it for what it was.

7.) 3 From Hell 

In second last place, we have 3 From Hell. This is the third and final film in the Firefly trilogy. Crazed killers: Baby, Otis and Foxy Coltrane, unleash mayhem against unsuspecting victims, after a prison break-out and road-trip to Mexico. This was such a swing and a miss for me. Sid Haig (Captain Spaulding), actually passed halfway through filming. Therefore, he had to be killed off in the first five minutes of the movie, giving it a very different feel to the rest of the series. The story started strong but took a nose-dive in the second half. It went in quite a bizarre, disjointed direction. I like to pretend it doesn’t exist. Sorry Rob!

8.) The Lords of Salem

In last place, we have The Lords of Salem. A radio DJ (Sheri Moon Zombie) in Salem, is plagued by nightmarish visions of vengeful witches, after she plays a record by a mysterious group, known only as: “The Lords.” This was one weird movie. I really liked Sheri’s performance, but not the story. It lacked the horror elements I’ve known to expect and love from Rob. It had potential but unfortunately, didn’t live up to the rest of his works. 

Thank you so much for reading! How would you rank his films? 

Peace & Love xoxo