Hi all!

Welcome to Day 4 of the 31 Day Blogging Challenge! Today I’ve been asked to share what I am afraid of. I will list some of the basic things that scare me, as well as my deeper, internal fears.

BASIC FEARS: 

• Butterflies & moths (basically all insects, but mainly these two). This fear originated when I went to sleep one evening, felt something crawling on my face and realised it was a big moth. I was never the same after that!
• Vomiting. To be honest, whilst being sick yourself is never pleasant, it actually bothers me more to see others vomit. I have emetophobia, which is an extreme fear of seeing it, hearing it, smelling it (*shudders*). I’m really not sure when or where it began but it makes me feel yucky just discussing it.
• Demonic possession. Let me explain! When I was 18, I watched The Exorcist for the first time and it completely traumatised me. For a month afterwards, I was terrified I would be possessed by the devil and even slept in bed with my mum (how embarrassing). Once I dug deeper, I realised the underlying fear was about not being in control.
• Boats. This relates to my emetophobia. Being on boats means I am more likely to see others be sick, therefore I try to avoid them as much as possible. In December 2015, Francis & I went on a snorkelling tour in Cairns, which operated under such extreme weather conditions, that I had to watch everybody around me be sick. Luckily, I was able to keep everything down but I suffered intense panic attacks because of it!
• Swooping birds. Yes, I am a big scaredy-cat if you couldn’t tell by now. Back when I was at University, I had to walk across the grounds to get to class. During springtime, I would get constantly swooped; sometimes even getting grazed by a beak or two. It made me so scared that I started driving to class, despite living 5 minutes away!
• Big Dogs. When I was younger, I was attacked by a giant dog in a park. Years later, another big dog tried to bite me, so it makes perfect sense that I am a bit jittery around them now!

DEEPER FEARS: 

• After having Generalised Anxiety Disorder, not once but twice in my life, I always have this fear that it will return and cripple me again. I certainly feel more confident that it won’t return now, but you never know. This is why I do whatever I can to keep me calm, relaxed and mindful.
• Following on from the fear that something will return, when I was 16, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is now a 10+ year survivor and very healthy, but when you love someone so much, you just can’t help but fear the worst sometimes.
• Sometimes I fear I won’t get to see enough of the world, read enough books, do or experience enough things in time before I die. I know this is a very common fear.
• I fear big-scale things that make me avoid the news, such as wars & terrorism.
• As mentioned above, my fear of demonic possession really relates to my fear of not being in control. Vomiting is something I can’t control. Panic attacks also take away your control. It is a very common theme in my life. I’m not sure where it stems from, but not being in control always stirs up feelings of angst & uncertainty.

What are some of your fears? Could you relate to mine? See you tomorrow!

Peace & Love xoxo