Hi all!

Today I am going to attempt the impossible. I’m going to rank/breakdown the standard edition of Taylor Swift’s new album: The Tortured Poet’s Department. I have a lot to get through, so without further ado, let’s get into it!

Click here to read my breakdown/ranking of The Anthology. 

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A Brief Note on TTPD

I’ve seen many mixed reviews about this album since its release. It’s important to note that The Tortured Poet’s Department probably won’t resonate with the casual listener. It is deeply lore-based. This new era breaks down a manic episode following the end of Taylor’s six-year relationship. It is full of fatalism, hyperbole, heartache and of course, tortured poetry. It requires time to process and appreciate. Personally, it is one of my favourite albums. I fell in love on first listen. It’s truly a masterpiece and a highlight of her career. 

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1.) My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys 

My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys hit me like a ton of bricks on first listen. It’s exactly how I felt when I first heard Maroon – an instant favourite. In this self-written track, Taylor explores what happens when a narcissist discards you. Through the metaphor of being a shiny, coveted toy in the beginning, she tells us how rapidly things can change once the novelty wears off. The symbolism is pure perfection and the production, immaculate. How she manages to write devastating lyrics to upbeat sounds is beyond me. I believe this song is a composite sketch. It could fit either of the men explored on the record. I never skip it.

Favourite lyric: “I’m Queen of sandcastles he destroys.” 

2.) Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me? 

In second place, we have Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me? This song has helped me through a difficult period. I fully identify with the female rage explored. In this self-written track, Taylor calls out the industry and her enemies. As her fame has evolved, so has her power. It’s so satisfying to see her claim it. She uses a circus-themed metaphor to capture how she started out a tame animal, trained by professionals in the business, until they wore her down and broke her. The way she screams the title and follows it up with ‘you should be’, will never not stab me in the chest. It’s so cathartic, raw and honest. The Era’s Tour performance really elevated her intentions.

Favourite lyric: “Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me? You should be.” 

3.) But Daddy I Love Him

The minute I heard this song, I thought of classic Taylor Swift. It felt like Love Story 2.0. It is the longest track on the record, with not a moment wasted. Taylor breaks the fourth wall here; addressing the public who gave her so much grief for dating The 1975 lead singer, Matty Healy. Despite the obvious red flags, she wanted him anyway. She declares that her good name is hers alone to disgrace. She doesn’t care for those who act like they know what’s best for her. The pure joy and serotonin I feel every time I listen to But Daddy I Love Him is unmatched. It’s also deeply relatable. In the past, people have had things to say about my own relationships, without knowing the truth. It’s full of swooning, pining and drama. If you know the lore, you know.

Favourite lyrics: “He was chaos, he was revelry.” 

4.) Florida!!!

Florida!!! almost hit my top three. I listen to it on repeat. I love Florence Welch. Her vocals take me to another planet. I’m so blessed she got her own verse. In this track, Taylor explores escaping to Florida, in order to forget her problems. She wants to use the place like a drug; burying her regrets in the swamp. My favourite part is the bridge, where her and Florence blend their voices together in perfect harmony. It’s so good. Florida is also the first place Taylor played after her breakup with actor, Joe Alwyn. When we finally break free from a long-term situation, it’s only natural to go a little wild. This track encompasses that feeling effortlessly.

Favourite lyrics: “I have some regrets; I’ll bury them in Florida.”

5.) The Tortured Poet’s Department 

The title track sums up the entire message of the standard edition. The production gives an 80’s synth vibe, matching the tone of two individuals who are playing pretend. Taylor calls out Matty for acting like a tortured poet, when really, he’s just a modern idiot. She is sad he promised her the world but didn’t actually follow with it. When someone leaves after love-bombing you, it’s human nature to question who else will know them and love them like you. I am obsessed with the entire structure of this song. It’s grown on me so much. Listening to it is the closest I’ve come to my heart exploding.

Favourite lyric: “Who else decodes you?” 

6.) Guilty As Sin? 

I think Guilty As Sin? is one of the best songs she has ever written. It’s full of longing, fantasy and sensuality. In this track, Taylor confesses that toward the end of her long-term relationship, she was yearning for Matty Healy, who seduced her with music. She hadn’t yet touched him, yet questioned if her impure thoughts alone made her guilty. It has the most intoxicating hook; with the sexiest lyrics she has ever put out. It also reveals how deeply this man has haunted her throughout the years. It’s no wonder she fell so hard when she finally got to live out her fantasies with him. Obsessed!

Favourite lyric: “Oh, what a way to die.” 

7.) Fortnight

Fortnight is the lead single and album opener. Post Malone is a dream collaboration. Similar to Florence, their voices pair together perfectly. Taylor has come out and said this song explores the theme of fatalism. She used this man, (Matty Healy), as a miracle move-on drug but the effects were temporary. It ended up ruining her life; leaving her more damaged than before. 

Favourite lyric: “I love you; it’s ruining my life.” 

8.) Down Bad 

I LOVE this song. It’s such an earworm. Taylor uses an extra-terrestrial metaphor to describe how it feels to be with someone who essentially abducts you, experiments on you and then drops you back on your home planet, without warning. You want them to come back. You weren’t ready to leave the cosmic plane they beamed you up to. They lifted you up to your highest-highs and then slammed you ‘down bad‘ to your lowest lows. She’s such a mastermind. I believe it’s about Matty because Joe never had ‘indecent exposures.’ 

Favourite lyric: “Everything comes out teenage petulance.” 

9.) I Can Do It With A Broken Heart 

Prior to the album’s release, fans predicted this song would be related to the Era’s Tour. For once, we were correct! It feels like Bejeweled’s older sister. The track is sparkly and fun but also devastating. I love that it was added to the setlist. It would’ve been a crime not to. As the title suggests, Taylor admits that for the first half of the tour, she was performing with a broken heart, but somehow, managed to fool the audience. We all knew girl! It’s an empowering message to anybody who has to pick themselves up after tragedy strikes.

Favourite lyric: “I cry a lot, but I am so productive. It’s an art.”

10.) loml

A lot of fans have suggested loml should have been track 5 on the standard edition, as it hits much harder than So Long, London. I have to agree. The abbreviation stands for ‘love of my life’, but Taylor changes it toward the end to ‘loss of my life.’ In this song, she expresses how her lover made her feel like their relationship was for eternity but ended up being only momentary. In her opinion, it should’ve stayed buried. They could have had it all but as she laments, “something counterfeit is dead” because it was never real to begin with. It’s devastating. The production is so beautiful and melancholic.

Favourite lyric: “In your suit and tie, in the nick of time.” 

11.) So Long, London 

So Long, London is track 5 for the standard edition. It was my most anticipated song prior to the album’s release. I still appreciate it for what it is but compared to the rest mentioned above, I don’t gravitate toward it. I will say, the production is perfection. The opening notes sound like a church choir. There is no doubt it’s entirely about Joe Alwyn. There are many ‘death’ and ‘sick’ references, similar to the ones in ‘You’re Losing Me. It details the breakdown of their relationship and how it simply died after months of neglect. By the end, Taylor has accepted they will both find someone, someday. I commend her for the level of maturity in these lyrics.

Favourite lyric: “So how much sad, did you think I had. Did you think I had in me?”

12.) Clara Bow 

Clara Bow is the album closer. What a way to end the standard edition! In this track, Taylor talks about how young starlets are compared to the ‘It‘ girls that came before them. She is honest about how the industry demands more from women. As long as you remain beautiful, you will have what it takes to go all the way. In the beginning, an ingenue will do anything to make it, but when they are older, someone new will be compared to their younger selves. When she said her own name, I died! It takes from Nothing New and The Lucky One but is much more self-reflective for a woman in her 30’s. It’s lower on my list because whilst I appreciate the lyrics, the production doesn’t draw me in enough to put it on repeat.

Favourite lyric: “You look like Taylor Swift.”

13.) Fresh Out The Slammer

Fresh Out The Slammer is a metaphor for Taylor breaking free from the prison she viewed her six-year relationship. The moment she emerged; she threw herself into Matty Healy. It perfectly symbolises a rebound. A Getaway Car 2.0 if you will? I like the majority of this song but the tone shift toward the end jars me a bit. I like my tracks to be more streamlined. That is my only gripe because I adore the rest. That opening twang sends me to heaven every single time!

Favourite lyric: “For just one glimpse of his smile.”

14.) The Alchemy

There is a big debate amongst fans whether this song is about Travis Kelce or Matty Healy. Given the abundance of football metaphors, I’m leaning toward the former. Taylor declares that she has come back strong with a new love. Despite the fast-paced nature of their relationship, she says they are helpless to fight the alchemy – the chemistry between them. It does something to me every single time I listen to it. 

Favourite lyric: “He jokes that it’s heroin, but this time with an ‘E’.”

15.) The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived 

It was hard putting this song second last but to be honest, I really only love the bridge. That’s when the track comes to life. It certainly works well on The Era’s Tour! There is no secret who this one is about. I know a certain tortured poet, lead singer, who wears a Jehovah’s Witness suit. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived is out for blood. Taylor yells that Matty deserves prison, but he won’t get time. She feels used and betrayed, believing he only wanted to be with her to gain intel, or as a muse for his art. This is an anthem for anybody that has been ghosted before.

Favourite lyric: “I would’ve died for your sins. Instead, I just died inside.”

16.) I Can Fix Him, No Really I Can 

I don’t feel guilty for putting this track last. It’s the shortest one on the standard edition. It doesn’t really say much, other than that Taylor initially believed she would be a good influence on Matty, only to realise by the end, her love couldn’t save him. I like the dark, sultry tones but I’m also hitting skip when it comes on. Sorry!

Favourite lyric: “I can handle me a dangerous man. No really, I can.”

 Thank you so much for reading! I know for a fact this list will change as I have more time with the album. 

Peace & Love xoxo