Hi all!

Today I am ranking the V/H/S franchise! These found footage movies feature a series of individual clips, containing unspeakable horrors. In between the shorts, a single frame narrative builds to a terrifying climax. In my opinion, the films are getting better and better. Without further ado, let’s get into it!

1.) V/H/S/94

In first place, we have V/H/S/94. This is, by far, the best movie in the franchise. From what I’ve seen online, the majority agree. It does a fantastic job of placing viewers right in the middle of 1994, with a great soundtrack and nostalgic visuals. My favourite short is Storm Drain, which follows a news reporter, investigating a local legend in the city’s sewer tunnels. What she finds down there is truly horrific. “Hail Raatma!” This instalment also has the most gripping frame narrative. I really enjoyed/dreaded watching it progress. I could have done without Terror, but Empty Wake and The Subject were thoroughly entertaining. If you only watch one V/H/S film, let it be this one!

Update: This is where I would rank V/H/S Halloween. 

Update: This is where I would rank V/H/S Beyond. Check out my full review here.

2.) V/H/S/99

In second place, we have V/H/S/99. I firmly believe I am the only person in existence that likes this movie. I understand viewers were disappointed by the lack of Y2K content, but compared to the rest of the franchise, it’s pretty solid. This instalment did not have a traditional frame narrative, but that didn’t bother me. My favourite short was Suicide Bid, which follows a teenage girl, desperate to be accepted into a sorority. She is dared by club members to spend the night in a sealed coffin, underground. Unfortunately, she isn’t alone down there. If you came for the 90’s nostalgia, I recommend checking out Ozzy’s Dungeon and nothing else. It reminded me of those kid’s game shows I used to watch with my grandmother – minus the added horrific elements. Shredding and The Gawkers were just okay. To Hell and Back however, made good use of physical effects; convincing me that is exactly how the underworld would look like. Overall, I liked it!

Update: This is where I would rank V/H/S 85. 

3.) V/H/S/2

In third place, we have V/H/S/2. In my opinion, the sequel was a big step-up from the first film. Phase I Clinical Trials and Safe Haven were the best shorts. I would have loved them as feature length episodes. Personally, I didn’t like the multiple zombie stories in this one. A Ride in the Park was just gross. I’m not a fan of the undead at the best of times, hence my lower rating. Having said that, it had a better ratio of decent stories. It also succeeded in creating quite a chilling frame narrative. The ending gave me a good jump!

4.) V/H/S/

In second last place, we have the original film. There is something about the entire V/H/S franchise, that gives off frat-boy vibes. We see lots of female nudity, alcohol and partying. That was my biggest issue with the first movie. It was quite big on sexual assault and topless girls. I’m not a prude; it just wasn’t necessary! Amateur Night was the only redeeming feature. I was so bored by Second Honeymoon, Tuesday the 17th, The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger and 10/31/98. Overall, the entire thing left a sour taste in my mouth.

5.) V/H/S: VIRAL 

In last place, we have V/H/S Viral. I was told beforehand it was a disaster and it was! First of all, it’s the glitchiest film in the franchise. The camera is constantly blurring, shaking and going out of focus. That is to be expected in a found footage movie, but not every second. It happened far too often. Secondly, the acting was awful. I was laughing at how bad it was. The story about the magician’s evil cloak had me cringing the entire time. Not to mention, a segment about parallel universes turning into humans with killer genitalia! Furthermore, the frame narrative was bizarre, to the point of nonsense. I didn’t understand the creepy boyfriend constantly filming his girlfriend. None of it worked. IMDB gave it a 4.2/10. If that doesn’t indicate how it was received by the general public, nothing will.

Thank you so much for reading! How would you rank this franchise?

Peace & Love xoxo